


deep breaths

by crispytoasty



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/F, this is my ironic suayeon-are-influencers fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:54:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29687019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crispytoasty/pseuds/crispytoasty
Summary: STORYTIME: I can’t stand my collab partner but I think I’m a little bit in love with her too
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20
Collections: DreamCatcher Enemies To Lovers Ficfest 2k21





	deep breaths

Siyeon has learned a lot about mindfulness from her two-minutes a day wellness app. She only got the app in the first place because of the sponsorship, but it’s been useful so far, way more than the gaudy fairy lights and self-chilling water bottles she’s used to getting. She sits up in bed, closes her eyes, thinks of the things she’s grateful for. She starts with _iced coffee_ before her phone buzzes suddenly. Siyeon feels that rush when she sees that it’s a new follower notification, letting it subside because she’s trying to be more _mindful_ , which just means trying to act like you don’t care.

After a brief pause, adding _new followers_ to her list of things to be grateful for, she scoops her phone up, eyes darting back and forth across the screen.

_bb.boya started following you_

She normally doesn’t stalk over new follower profiles much these days. She prefers not to obsess too much about it, or she’ll start thinking about demographics, and outreach, and ads. But the profile picture catches her eye. 

It’s so zoomed in, only the face is visible. Mouth wide open, screaming in what Siyeon considers to be glee, but who knows. A meme account?

She taps the profile icon. The page is...messy to say the least. An unnecessary amount of emojis in the bio. Her name...? Siyeon scans the page, unearthing words from emojis. Kim Bora. 

With a tap, Siyeon finds herself in Bora’s stories section. Shit. She’ll know Siyeon was stalking her. But she’s unable to tap away as she watches; Bora dancing, mesmerizing, fun, talented. Back to the profile. Is this girl not part of a label somewhere? She’s definitely a lot more skilled than some idols that Siyeon has seen. And more than that, she seems _fun_. Like it was about more than just the followers and sponsored posts. She has fewer followers than Siyeon, by a lot, but even then she seemed made for this.

Her finger lingers over the ‘Follow Back’ button for a moment but she stops herself. That would be weird, right? Too soon? 

Siyeon spends the better part of her morning scrolling through instagram. Mindfulness is a fad anyways. 

* * *

_1 month later_

Siyeon finds herself reaching for her phone more often than usual. She doesn’t care about new followers so much anymore as she used to. That’s the mindfulness working, she thinks. The numbers are just a changing of pixels on her screen. She’s worked hard these past few months to stop obsessing over it all, to stop laboring over each post and the likes and shares. 

She has noticed, however, that Bora @bb.boya has been liking and commenting on every post Siyeon has made since Bora first started following her. She’s also noticed that they’ve gotten progressively more...annoying.

_ >> wow ur voice is so beautiful!!!! cheering for u _

_ >> i can’t believe i get to see the evolution of lee siyeon like this...im so lucky!! _

_ >> amazing! :O would u mind checking out my page? im an aspiring dancer! _

_ >> hi! i’m kim bora, an aspiring dancer. please check out my youtube channel, i promise u won’t be disappointed!!! _(This one had a whole comment thread below it of angry fans. Even then, Bora was still unrelenting; Siyeon did not know that people these days could have this little self awareness).

Yoohyeon, her longtime friend and frequent guest on her throwback-Thursday posts, thinks this is all cute and fun.

“Aww, Siyeon!” She giggles over their pastries and iced americanos. They’re in a tiny cafe that Siyeon only frequents because the lighting there is ideal for cute coffee shop pics. The coffee itself? Weak. “Your new fan is so cute! You ever talked to her?”

Siyeon snorts, blueberry scone crumbs flying off from her mouth. “Absolutely not. Have you never had one of those annoying self promo types in your mentions before?”

“Well, yeah.” Yoohyeon pauses, deep in thought for a moment. She’s a twitch streamer, so she has to have more than a few weirdos. “But I think Bora is sweet! She’s just trying her best, you know.”

“We did, too! And we didn’t grovel in the comment sections of other people’s pages to do it!” Siyeon huffs. She’s not sure why she’s so mad. Maybe she thought Bora would be different. She scoffs at the thought; why does she care so much anyways?

Yoohyeon gives a little pout. She’s too generous of a person to really get it, and Siyeon half expects Yoohyeon to follow Bora after all this. “Well, don’t let it get to your head too much.” Yoohyeon takes a long sip of her drink. “We all started somewhere.”

* * *

_2 weeks later_

_singnie ARE U AWAKE omgggggggggggg check insta!!!_

_check it check it!!_

_um hello ma’am it is noon are u still asleep???_

_OK FINE I’LL CALL U RN DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN U THOUGH!!_

And Yoohyeon is on the phone, in her ear, chattering excitedly as Siyeon reads through her texts, trying to fill in the gaps.

“Did you check it yet? Check instagram!”

“Yeah, I know!” Siyeon scans the screen, trying to filter out the random notifications for something worthy of an unhinged Yoohyeon calling her this early in the morning. There is a lot more stuff than normal, and Siyeon is apprehensive, sweating slightly. Then she finds it.

_bb.boya tagged you in a post._

Her anxiety skyrockets. _What did she do?_ Siyeon navigates to the post. She taps the video, and turns the volume up.

It’s her own voice alright, in the background. _Demon on my Side_. Her latest release, from a few months ago—more pop in it than her usual, but not enough for her to be considered a traitor to her original rock genre roots.

Bora is dancing in the video. And, wow, is she good at it. When she dances, Bora drops her usual joking demeanor and transforms into something else. She’s razor sharp, her movements fluid, never dropping in energy or missing a beat. Bora could have told the world that she invented dancing, and Siyeon would have believed her. This isn’t the first time someone has done a dance cover of her songs, and Siyeon is always grateful for the fans that do, but Bora is on a different level. Siyeon cannot find the words to say and Yoohyeon is still talking excitedly into the phone.

“It’s so good, like I’m absolutely speechless, and now _Demon on my Side_ is trending on twitter, isn’t that amazing? You’ve seen it now, right? Siyeon?”

“Uh...” Siyeon has been watching the clip on repeat now a few times. “Yeah. Yeah. Wow. She is really good.”

Siyeon can almost hear Yoohyeon’s grin through the phone. “See! Don’t give up on the comment section campers. Bora may have a part to play yet!”

Siyeon knows Yoohyeon is baiting her, but she bites anyway. “A part to play in what?”

Yoohyeon laughs, giddy. “You’re gonna follow her back, right? You have to, after this!”

Siyeon pauses for a minute. She eyes Bora’s post carefully. The caption is short and simple, unlike most anything that bb.boya has ever done.

_hi lee siyeon @singsingyeon, i am sorry for always being in your comments section, so this one’s for u!_

_song is_ Demon on my Side _by @singsingyeon_

_choreography and dance by me!_

_#leesiyeon #dance #dancer #dancecover #demononmyside #siyeon #singsingyeon #cover #rock #pop #dancecoverchallenge_

“Yeah.” Siyeon mumbles, feeling shy, almost. “I guess I do, huh.”

She taps the _Follow Back_ button, and watches the video a few more times.

* * *

_2 weeks later_

Siyeon, of course, followed all the usual great-fan-cover etiquette protocols. She left a comment, short and succinct, but still grateful. She shared the cover on her story, but she didn’t retweet it. She didn’t want to seem overly interested, because that would prompt even more teasing from Yoohyeon.

They don’t have many interactions after that. They like each other’s posts, but that’s it. Siyeon does her best to forget about it all, but she can’t. Luckily, Bora has stopped with the annoying _please check me out_ comments, but that doesn’t help Siyeon feel less confused. Are they friends? People can say their mutuals are their friends all they want, but this is different. It’s weird.

Siyeon and Yoohyeon make plans for pasta that night. They used to live together, and would have weekly pasta nights, a tradition they have maintained since Siyeon moved out to a fancy apartment in Gangnam while Yoohyeon decided to move in with her girlfriend, Yubin, an ultracool producer that Siyeon has always admired from afar.

Siyeon is slurping some spaghetti when Yoohyeon leans close to her and whispers, “Have you decided what you’re going to do for the Crossover Champion Challenge?” She has this expression on her face of pure, unadulterated glee. Jesus.

“Yoohyeon, why are you whispering?” She’s drunk.

“I’m drunk.” The tips of her lips twitch into a smile. Always a lightweight. “So, have you decided?”

The Crossover Champion Challenge is an annual competition hosted by skill learning sponsor TradeLearn. Two artists combine their skills for a short video, and the winning team is decided by fan votes. Winners get a yearlong sponsorship from TradeLearn. It’s not the most high tier of patrons, but compared to what Siyeon’s had so far—well, she can’t say no.

“No,” Siyeon begins, “I haven’t decided.”

“Well,” Yoohyeon has this goofy smile on her face, and Siyeon is barely able to resist poking at her cheeks. “How about that new girl?”

She saw it coming but still can’t hide her grimace. “Yoohyeon, come on...”

“What!” Yoohyeon groans in drunk exasperation. “I mean who else would you ask? Minji?”

Siyeon’s mouth tightens into a line. Kim Minji was her partner last year. That led to a quick summer fling where they were very obsessed with each other for a while until they weren’t. And after all that, they didn’t even come close to winning, either.

Yoohyeon jolts at the sudden change in Siyeon’s expression, and rushes to pat Siyeon on the shoulders. “Sorry, sorry, didn’t mean it like that, well, I could try asking Yubin if she knows anyone who would—”

“Yoohyeon, it’s okay.” Siyeon pulls out her phone. “I guess Bora did a really good job covering my song already. Might as well try it.”

At once, Yoohyeon releases all the tension in her body. “Okay. Cool. Yes. Good idea!”

Siyeon starts to draft a new direct message to bb.boya.

_Hey! We haven’t really officially met, but I really liked the dance cover you did of Demon on my Side. Have you heard of the Crossover Champion Challenge? I was wondering if you’d like to be my partner for that._

Her finger hesitates over the send button, when suddenly, Yoohyeon shoots her arm out and slams it down. The message sends.

“Yoohyeon, what the hell?” But she can’t even be mad, because she already agreed to it in the first place. Yoohyeon gives her a self-satisfied grin.

Siyeon doesn’t have to wait long. Bora’s reply is immediate.

_hiii thanks for reaching out! i’d love to collab!! want to vidcall sometime and discuss ideas?_

Siyeon feels like she’s in high school again, talking to random classmates she barely knows, coordinating to work on a project. But Yoohyeon is ecstatic, and that’s hopefully a good sign. She puts her phone away, and takes another bite of her pasta.

* * *

_2 weeks later_

Their first meeting is in a dance studio at the halfway point between their apartments. They’ve rented the room for four hours.

As soon as she walks in, Bora shuffles up to her, silently placing a hand on Siyeon’s shoulder. 

“What’s up, dude?” is all she says as she pats Siyeon in a way suggesting an intimacy the pair don’t have; Siyeon doesn’t like it. She shrugs Bora’s hand off her, giving a curt greeting, crossing her arms, and leaning back against the wall. This is what she gets for trying to make friends with randos on the internet. But maybe she’s just being more prickly than normal. They’ve only communicated online until now. Maybe they’re friends, and Siyeon just doesn’t realize it.

They’d spent the past few weeks writing a song together. It went okay; Bora let Siyeon take the lead for the most part, and her voice wasn’t half bad either. Doing it all virtually wasn’t a problem, as Siyeon got a lot of mixing and producing assistance from Yubin. But sometimes, things felt off. Maybe Bora was being a bit more commanding than usual when she had what she _thought_ was a good suggestion. Siyeon certainly hadn’t met anyone that forceful before, but she should have expected that much from someone whose dances blew everyone else out of the water.

The song is good. Bora’s voice on it makes it different than Siyeon is used to—softer, almost—but it’s still good. 

Bora had also spent the past two weeks creating the choreography to go with the song. Siyeon had warned her that she wasn’t talented at dancing, and it wasn’t her speciality, but even then, Bora wouldn’t show her any clips of the dance she had prepared.

‘ _it’s a surprise! loool!!’_ was all she had sent back, and Siyeon had felt such a jolt of anxiety then.

But that anxiety was nothing compared to now. The deadline is in two days, and they didn’t have much time left. Siyeon had wanted to meet earlier, but apparently Bora was “busy” for the entirety of last week. They had barely managed to rent this room out before all the spaces were taken.

“Hey! Ready to see my dance?” Bora winks flirtatiously.

“Um, yeah. Let’s see it.” Siyeon pulls out her phone as Bora positions herself, and at the nod of her head, plays the music.

Watching her dance in person is a completely different experience from seeing the clips on her instagram page. It’s different, now that Bora can sense Siyeon’s eyes glued to her. She’s cockier now, twisting her body wildly as she dances to the beat, impossibly flexible, surprisingly fluid. At the forefront of Siyeon’s mind is, _How the hell am I supposed to do that?_ Behind that, Siyeon hides her interest, her curiosity. Kim Bora is a wildcard, that’s for sure.

When Bora finishes, Siyeon is surprised to see that she is not out of breath. She hides any exhaustion effortlessly. “Ready to try?”

Siyeon nods and stands up, wiping her already sweaty palms onto her yoga pants.

Dancing is hard. _Really_ hard. Bora didn’t even try to make it look easy; any normal person who saw the dance would think it was impossible to learn. And Siyeon feels like a fairly normal person. Ten minutes in and her legs are aching. They aren’t even at the first chorus of the song yet.

“Siyeon, you have to lift your head up _higher_.” Bora whines.

“I’m trying,” Siyeon pants, “But in case you don’t remember, I am not that good at dancing.”

Bora sighs. “Okay, fine. Can you at least try to get it like, seventy-five percent up?”

Siyeon scowls. “Give me a second.”

“We don’t have a second! Come on, let’s go!” And Bora yanks Siyeon's arm, painfully dragging the girl up.

They go back and forth at each other often. Siyeon can’t execute a move properly. Siyeon is off beat. Siyeon steps with the wrong foot.

She didn’t even think she was that bad, but Bora’s critical eye was inescapable. Eventually, she gets the hang of it, but the damage has been done. Siyeon is so embarrassed. 

There’s a segment at the very end, where they finish with their backs against each other. Feeling Bora’s heat against her back makes Siyeon’s skin crawl. She thinks back to the mindfulness app, tries to remember some of the techniques, but none of them are working to scrub off the feeling of Bora so close to her.

Four excruciating hours pass like this, and finally, they are done. They review the video, heading to a coffee shop afterwards to do final edits and overlay the music on top. It’s surprisingly good, even though Siyeon feels like she looks like a dead fish flopping around for most of it. She wants to crawl into her bed, and never get out. Bora reads the palpable expression on Siyeon’s face and smirks.

“Don’t worry about it, queen. We did it. We never have to work together ever again. Unless we win. Which we probably won’t.”

Siyeons huffs, exasperated. “Ok, please just submit it already.”

“Fine. Fine fine fine.” The video finishes uploading. Bora attaches the link, hits submit.

* * *

_3 weeks later_

The collab is a hit. Yoohyeon saw it coming. Siyeon didn’t. She would have thought that everyone else could see how weird the chemistry on camera was, but nope—the fans ate it all up.

_ >> This is amazing...glad Siyeon decided to take a chance on Bora! They’re gonna be smashing competitions for years to come. _

_ >> i can’t believe this is happening bora is so lucky ugh goals! _

_ >> I HOPE THEY WIN! #boyayeonforever _

Siyeon tries to choke down her distaste with iced coffee after iced coffee. The caffeine hits her hard, and she notices her fingers shake as she texts Yoohyeon.

_this sucks so bad_

_holy shit_

_um....i’m sorry dude..._

_isnt it kinda good tho?_

_like_

_winning i mean.._

_YEAH BUT I CAN’T STAND HER_

_has she said anything about it?_

_No :/ should i say something_

_just a congrats would work!!!_

_and then hopefully you never have to talk to her again :)_

Okay. Siyeon goes to her texts with Bora. Her breath is shaky as she formulates a message.

_hey we did it! glad things turned out good i guess_

She doesn’t care about the response. She just leans over, head in her hands, hoping they don’t win, because she doesn’t want to do this ever again.

* * *

_4 days later_

They have a meeting with TradeLearn the following Monday.

A woman with big, bold eyes greets them at the door. Handong. Their go-to contact in the company. Siyeon isn’t really sure what she _does_ , but that’s what every start-up position is like.

“Hi! Kim Bora and Lee Siyeon?” Her voice is bright and eager.

They nod, and Handong leads them to a fancy glass elevator. The building is one of those new age types, everything sleek and minimalist except for the occasional potted plants. Various young professionals gathered in breakout rooms. Siyeon can’t deny how exciting it is. This may be her chance at a big break, now that more people are starting to notice _her_ . As long as they’re noticing her for _her_ , and not her for _her and Bora_.

“Right this way.” Handong taps a button on the elevator, and the doors close silently. “Your project has been a massive hit! Well done, you two.”

“Thanks.” Siyeon replies meekly. Bora grins, large and infuriating.

They make their way to a small conference room, the walls a mixture of glass and whiteboard. It’s unbearably sterile. Handong sits at the head of the small table as Siyeon and Bora seat themselves across from her. The pair sit as far apart from each other as is professionally acceptable. If Handong notices, she says nothing, simply sliding forward a neatly stapled set of papers.

“Congratulations, again.” She gives a polite smile. “You two did an amazing job with your submission, and we’re happy to announce you both as winners of the Crossover Champion Challenge! Now, if you choose to accept, we’d love to offer you two a year-long sponsorship, where you two will be making videos together under TradeLearn.” She leans forward, before adding, “Note that ownership of any non sponsored content produced by you two in this time may also be claimed by TradeLearn.”

Siyeon purses her lips. “You mean, we each get to make our own videos, or—”

Handong chuckles. It’s a disquieting sound, one deeply laced with corporate patronization, perhaps unintentional. “No, this will be a team based contract. So both of you will have to create content _together_ , and maintain that professional relationship for the duration of the contract.” She looks into Siyeon’s eyes. “I hope that won’t be an issue.” 

Siyeon swallows. She doesn’t look at Bora who immediately replies, “Not at all!”

Handong gives them another smile. “Great! Well, let’s go over the terms and conditions, sign, and then we can go for lunch!”

Half an hour later, Siyeon puts her signature down next to Bora’s, side by side.

* * *

_6 months later_

So they make videos together. And vlogs, and get ready with me’s, and style trades, and story times. And Siyeon hates every second of it. When Handong suggests the pair move in together, Siyeon wonders if she can run with enough momentum to jump through the glass window. But luckily, Handong seems to recognize the dread in Siyeon’s eyes and quickly drops the subject.

For what it’s worth, Siyeon already feels like she lives with Bora. Bora is in her head all the time. They’re together almost all the time, and Siyeon cherishes the lonely few hours of sleep she gets before she has to be shuffled around with Bora by her side at all hours. Everything around her is the two of them together. Siyeon has seen plenty of fanart that she did not want to see. No matter how much she loves her fans, she can’t believe how easily they’ve eaten up her and Bora as best friends in the entire world.

She doesn’t know why they can’t get along. On the surface, Bora seems friendly enough. But for some reason, every time they’re in a room together, the hairs on the back of Siyeon’s neck stand up, and she wants to scream. The way Bora occupies the whole stage, the way she doesn’t seem to care about what she leaves behind. Is this what Siyeon is like to everyone else? So intolerable, but blind to it? Siyeon is sure Bora hates her back, because of the disparaging looks she gets from Bora every time they have a conversation. As if Bora can’t bear to have to share anything with Siyeon. She can’t bring herself to connect with Bora outside of the terms of a contract; their relationship was constructed entirely from the legal offices of TradeLearn. At this point, Siyeon isn’t sure if it’s Bora she hates or the contract. Everything has to be done according to the contract.

Money keeps on coming in. Money, and sponsorships. It’s worth it, right? This is what she wanted? 

Siyeon has no right to complain. It’s already been six months of this, and she’s hitting more than triple the MV goals for her songs now than she did last year. She’s making it big, and Yoohyeon and her parents and her sister keep saying how proud they are of her, how happy they are that she’s making it. Even Minji texted her after almost a year, congratulating her on her success. Things are good! Siyeon has been practicing mindfulness, so she knows she has plenty of things to be thankful for.

But then she goes to the studio, sees Bora grimace when she walks in, feels Bora’s eyes sink into her. She dreads it. She hates singing now—and she can’t believe it, that she, Lee Siyeon, hates singing—and she wants to rip her ears out every time her songs come in advertisements, in Yoohyeon’s car, in her own home.

_ >> Siyeon i’m your biggest fan, you inspire me so much. _

_ >> aaaaah!!!! I love you so so much!!!! you’re so amazing thank you for everything!! _

_ >> LEE SIYEON world tour i hope soon! love from canada <3 _

_ >> best singer in the entire world hello???? _

_ >> siyeon and bora are suchhhh a good pair, they could take on the world together._

* * *

_5 months later_

They’re at TradeLearn on a Friday evening, talking about new quarter initiatives and other stuff Siyeon can barely grasp.

Bora gets up at some point to take a phone call. Siyeon is fidgeting with her pen in the meantime when she realizes she needs to go to the bathroom. Just to take a break from all this. She excuses herself and leaves. 

As she’s on her way, she hears a familiar voice coming from one of the breakout rooms.

Bora is on the phone still, pacing irregularly, clearly agitated. She does little to quiet her voice, and Siyeon freezes as soon as she hears what Bora is saying.

“Yeah, I should go back in soon, but, ugh, I don’t want to.” She sounds like a child, but in a way Siyeon would almost dare call endearing. “Dad, I feel like everyone hates me.”

She hears reciprocally loud chatter from the other side of the phone that Siyeon can’t make out. Now she knows where Bora gets her voice from.

“I’m just at the end of my rope. No matter what I do, I just can’t get things right. Am I—Am I too much sometimes?”

More talking on the end of the line. Bora nods frantically, as if her father could see her emphatic gestures through the phone.

“You’re right, you’re right. Focus on the dancing. Okay. Even if my partner and this company and everyone else in the world hates me, I’ll just keep dancing.” She gives a sad laugh, and Siyeon feels a pang of regret, though she’s not sure why.

With a tap, Bora ends the call, and turns her head in time to see Siyeon unsuccessfully try to hide behind a clear glass wall. _Crap_.

Bora is wide eyed, staring right at her, and Siyeon flinches. “Hi.”

“Oh, uh, sorry, I was just going to the bathroom.” Siyeon stumbles desperately through her words as she shuffles towards the restroom as fast as she can.

“Um, yeah. See you back there. In the meeting, I mean.”

With a nod, Siyeon shambles forward, cursing her lack of subtlety.

Bora clears her throat and leaves.

* * *

_2 weeks later_

Then, their contract is nearing the end.

Bora and Siyeon stand five feet apart in a small kitchen, built in a large, otherwise empty set. The camera crew are dispersed throughout, managing lights, cameras, sound. On the counter in front of Bora and Siyeon sit fresh ingredients. Rice cakes, fish cakes, cabbage, green onions, gochujang, gochujaru. Today, they will be making tteokbokki. Together.

If this makes Siyeon hate tteokbokki...well, that wouldn’t be entirely surprising. But since hearing Bora’s conversation with her father, Siyeon is determined to give her another chance. Maybe they just got off on the wrong foot. And they’ve had months of animosity for nothing.

The cameraman begins to count down. Handong smiles at them and gives them two big thumbs up. They begin recording.

“Hey guys! Welcome back!” Bora puts on a highly exaggerated facial expression, ever the clown.

“Hi everyone! As you can see, we’re in a different place than normal...” Siyeon gestures emphatically around herself.

Bora gives an affirming nod. “That’s right! Because today, we’re going to be cooking...”

“Tteokbokki! My favorite.” Siyeon drums her hands on the counter, hoping her anxiety passes as excitement.

It goes well, at first. Siyeon is happy to just stand off to the side, preparing anchovy broth while Bora gets all the ingredients ready. They work well like this—as long as they’re in their separate spheres, never having to interact.

And then it comes time for the two to collide.

They have a small argument about how best to add the rice cakes to the broth. Bora just ends up dumping the batch into the pot. Hot broth splashes everywhere, and Siyeon stands back, sputtering in surprise.

“Dude, it’s literally just broth. See?” Bora takes a spoonful and splatters it onto her own shirt. Some bounces off and hits Siyeon again.

Siyeon feels her cheeks begin to redden in anger. “I can’t. I really can’t. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Siyeon, please...Can someone get her a new shirt?” Handong’s expression hardens imperceptibly.

Bora mumbles an apology but Siyeon doesn’t care anymore.

“How is any of this making money? Who wants to watch the two of us make videos together? Isn’t it so obvious that we can’t stand each other? This is genuinely unbearable.” She wipes tears from her eyes, sure that her makeup is smudged all over her face, her arm. Immediately, an attendant walks up with some tissues. Siyeon wants to ignore them, but ultimately relents, snatching one and shoving it into her eyes.

Handong gently grabs Siyeon by the shoulders, gazing sympathetically at her with pleading eyes. 

“Siyeon, please.”

Siyeon breathes out harshly. She doesn’t want to be swayed by Handong, but it’s not like she has anything else going for her right now. Her career wouldn’t have skyrocketed like this if it weren’t for the contract. Siyeon eyes the ground. She’s really stuck here.

Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Bora’s eyes affixed to the floor. For the first time, the young woman looks like she’s trying to shrink into the background.

Siyeon sighs. “One last video. That’s it. One last video.”

* * *

_1 week later_

Stretches in the morning to start the day. It’s been the solution to her chronic inflexibility, but it’s also helped keep her mind off things. Her mindfulness app recommends at least 15 minutes of stretches a day to “clear the soul”. 

For just 15 minutes every day, Siyeon is scrubbing away at each nook and cranny in her mind, temporarily banishing thoughts of work.

Of course, her phone rings in the middle of it.

She picks up without a glance at the caller id, because her brain is so hard wired to do so, and the 15 minutes are only a break if the outside world lets it stay that way.

So when it turns out to be Bora on the other end of the call, any chance of relaxation for that morning gets struck aside.

“Um, good morning, Siyeon.”

“Hi.” Siyeon is curt out of surprise more than anything else.

“Hah, I wasn’t really expecting you to pick up this early, to be honest.” Bora swallows. “No offense.”

“None taken. What’s up?”

“I, uh, just wanted to say sorry. For the broth thing. I tend to be a bit domineering in the kitchen.”

Siyeon attempts a genial chuckle. “Not just the kitchen.”

“Yeah! Guess it’s a Leo thing, huh?” Bora is trying very hard to sound apologetic, and the least Siyeon can do is appreciate her efforts. “Well, just wanted to say sorry again.”

“About what I heard in the breakroom the other day—”

“Oh!” For a moment, there is silence, and then Bora finds her way through her words again. “Ah, yeah! I was just ditching the meeting. You know how it is, right?”

Contemplating what to say, Siyeon runs her fingers through her hair. “Yeah. I know what it’s like.” She could go in depth about it. About how Siyeon feels just as lonely as Bora does, how this whole business has made her feel like a fraud, too, and that if it weren’t for the music she would be nowhere. But Siyeon still can’t help but find herself slightly at odds with Bora. The idea that the two of them could share something like this—it makes her feel strange.

“Cool, so, see you soon? No hard feelings?” Siyeon can sense the anxiety in Bora’s voice, the desperate need to know that things are okay.

“Yeah. See you soon.”

* * *

_2 weeks later_

The energy in the studio is absolutely abysmal.

Siyeon slinks in, not willing to look up, to meet Bora’s gaze. The other staff members are silent, the tension palpable. They scrapped the tteokbokki video, and Siyeon went to visit her family for two weeks. But now she’s back. For the last time.

The theme for the day’s video is reflection. Of course, nothing better suits growth and meditation than doing each other’s makeup.

Siyeon settles down at the table next to Bora, fiddling with the zippers on her makeup pouch until Handong charges into the room.

Handong smiles graciously at all of them, clapping her hands together. “Alright everyone! Last shoot. Thank you all for your hard work and dedication. It’s been real.” She smirks at Siyeon and Bora. “And you two! Pat yourselves on the back. You survived.” Siyeon returns the comment with a nod.

The cameraman starts counting down. Siyeon barely remembers the loose script she was handed a week ago for the video, but it’s too late now.

Recording.

“Hi everyone! Welcome to the final episode of our YouTube series.” Bora pouts her lips dramatically, a show of mock sorrow.

“Yes! Thank you so much for tuning in; we’re sad to see this come to an end, but we’re hoping to give you guys one good last video.” Siyeon gives a tailored wink. The manufactured nature of it all isn’t lost to her, and her expression immediately shifts, neutral. This whole time, Siyeon has just been acting.

“Time to do each other’s makeup and just...talk about life, I guess.” Bora begins to pull primers and eye creams and foundation and concealer out of her pouch, and Siyeon just watches.

“So, you wanna be the first guinea pig?” Bora is a frenzy of motion, pulling out brushes, mascara, eyeshadow palettes, bottles that Siyeon hasn’t even seen before.

“Sure.” Siyeon picks up a fluffy headband, putting it over her head and pushing it up to move her hair out of her face. She feels so open and exposed. As if that’s a new feeling.

“I really like this sunscreen that I got ages ago,” Bora begins, squirting a generous amount of sunscreen on her fingers and beginning to dab Siyeon on the face. Her fingers feel like small pinpricks of heat on Siyeon’s cheeks, and the motion is almost unbearable. Bora is rattling off the brand name and features and cost and how she used it once on a trip to Jeju and everyone in her family except her got sunburnt. Her eyes remain glued to Siyeon’s cheeks, blending in the product perhaps much more than necessary. But even then, she’s gentler than normal.

“Yeah,” Siyeon is spacing out hard, and it’ll take a lot more than sunscreen to bring her back into focus. “It feels nice.”

With a few more vigorous pats, Bora stands back and gives a beaming smile at her work. “So, first question! This one is from @PeanutSalade on Twitter.”

“Hi, PeanutSalade.” It must be awfully hard to come up with a username on social media platforms these days.

“PeanutSalade asks, ‘Hi Siyeon and Bora! I love your videos so much, and I’m so sad this is the last one! Do you two have plans to work together on other projects in the future?’’' Bora puts down her phone and grabs a foundation compact. “This shade might not match exactly.”

Siyeon clears her throat. “That’s okay.” She sits up straighter. “Thanks for the question! Well, we don’t really have any plans to work together in the future for now, but I’m sure other opportunities will come our way.”

Bora is patting her face a bit too much now, and Siyeon wonders if the staff can tell she’s receiving a beating on screen. “Yeah, though I think it could be fun! We have a lot of personal projects that we’d like to work on in the meantime.”

“Yup. Hopefully we can show you a better version of ourselves the next time we do a collab.” There is an awkward pause.

Picking up her phone, Bora scrolls through it a bit before tapping the screen suddenly. “From @xxxline97 on instagram: If you could do it all again, would you guys still be singers/dancers? Or influencers?” Setting the phone down again, she picks up a concealer. “Again, the shade might not match.”

“No worries.” Siyeons begins to tap her foot on the ground, before stopping upon a sudden look from Handong. “Singer, yes. Influencer, no.”

“Same,” is all Bora says in response.

“Singing is nice. It’s fun, it relieves me of a lot of anxiety, it makes me feel good about myself. Being an influencer...well, I guess it makes me feel like I’m less able to focus on my music and the stuff I make.”

“I agree. But with dancing. I think being an influencer or whatever kinda dilutes me as a person. I’ve been stressing about a lot of other stuff when I’d rather just focus on dancing. But that’s the norm in this industry, I guess.”

Siyeon chuckles awkwardly. “Ha, hope we’re allowed to say this stuff, guys!” She makes a _shush_ face. 

“Well, this is a no-filter reflection video, anyway.” Bora clears her throat. “Okay! Eyeshadow time. But first, another question. This one is from Twitter user @babyfaces_7803. ‘What is one thing you’ll miss about vlogging together, and one thing you’re excited to leave behind? ily guys <3’” 

Siyeon raises an eyebrow. Who the hell is vetting these questions?

Luckily, Bora gets to it before she can. “I’ll go first.” She sets down the palette. “Well, one thing I’ll miss about vlogging with Siyeon is...” She stops, looking Siyeon directly in the eye. Siyeon doesn’t know what to expect. “Her drive. But not just that, but how her drive doesn’t stop her from helping others.” 

Wow. Is she being sincere right now?

“Siyeon gave me such a lucky opportunity when I was literally a nobody. And she’s good at what she does. Really good. I’m in awe of her singing every time she opens her mouth.” Bora smiles. “Even when she’s just talking. I’ve learned so much from her, and I think...” Bora’s eyes twitch a bit. _Is she about to cry?_ “I think maybe sometimes I haven’t been the most grateful for that. But now I’m sad, because things are already over.” She huffs, and Siyeon feels the warmth of Bora’s breath hit her face. “But I just wanted to thank you for giving me that chance, Siyeon. I know I haven’t always been the best to you, but you’ve been there for me in a lot of ways I hadn’t even realized until now. I was a little shit sometimes. I still am.”

Bora looks away from Siyeon now and chuckles. “And one thing I’m excited to leave behind is those cooking segments we did.”

Siyeon is floored. She wasn’t expecting to hear something so genuine from Bora; not to mention, something so...vulnerable. Siyeon just blinks.

“Um, thanks Bora. Can’t say I really was the best at those cooking parts either!” She clears her throat hastily.

“Well, something I like...something I like about Bora, is that she always gives her all. Even when she’s new to it, she really does her best. I haven’t met a lot of people like that before. It’s a really good quality in a partner to have, and a lot of the ideas and concepts for this show were made so much better with her suggestions.” Her answer is sanitized, but it’s not a lie.

“Something that I’m excited to leave behind? Hmm...” What can she say that won’t horribly embarrass both of them?

“Um, me and Bora would get into really intense discussions a lot. And sometimes hurt each other's feelings.” Siyeon’s face flushes red once she realizes what she just said. She bites her lip. “I think, um. I think that we had a lot of creative differences and stuff like that. And that’s just what happens when you put two really smart and talented people with different ideas together in a room.” She pauses. “Not to toot my own horn.” This elicits a snicker from Bora.

“But...” Her lips begin to tremble. Of course, now, she’s going to start crying. What a last video to end on. “I guess I just wanted to say sorry. There have been days where after being with you I felt like everything was imploding in on me. But there have also been days where I felt like I was on top of the world.” She feels tears begin to roll down her face. “I guess we have a lot to work on, still.” 

Maybe they can never be close friends. But they have one thing that has kept them together this entire time. The music. The idea that there’s many more steps to climb, and all of this _stuff_ — the sponsored posts and marketing execs and frivolous videos they made—was all to get them closer to the top. And maybe, now that she knows that, Siyeon can forgive Bora. And maybe Bora can forgive her, too.

Bora is crying now. She’s not wearing any makeup, and Siyeon is surprised by how fragile she looks. As the tears fall, Siyeon realizes how much she feels tied to Bora.

“I’m so sorry, Siyeon.”

Siyeon turns towards the camera, frantic. “Can we—can we stop? For now?”

A staff member nods; the recording session is over.

“I’ll give you two some space,” Handong nods at them and makes a hurried exit.

Siyeon hears Bora begin to hum a tune to a song she also knows.

* * *

_5 months later_

She looks small, as always, when she walks into the restaurant. Her hair is even longer now; she’s been letting it grow out. She’s bundled up, because it’s cold outside, and it just makes her look even tinier. When she sees Siyeon, she offers up a shy smile.

“Hey, stranger.”

Siyeon smirks. “Hey, aspiring dancer.”

With a hearty chuckle, Bora sits down across from her. She grabs a menu and eyes it gingerly, before her eyes rise up to look at Siyeon.

“So, heading your own company now, huh?” Bora begins to unwind a scarf from around her neck. Her voice is loud, still, but no longer tinged with the bitterness that Siyeon had once been all too familiar with. “Look at you! Doing pretty good for yourself.”

Siyeon nods. “Hey, thanks! I think after having been under so many contracts, doing my own thing makes a lot of sense now.”

“Being independent.” Bora grins. “I respect it. I think those TradeLearn people were keeping you from your full potential anyways. You deserve way more than that.”

“Yeah?” Siyeon tilts her head modestly, looking down at the menu to hide her embarrassment. She hesitates. “Well, you deserve way more than that, too.”

“And way more than that awkward _partnership_ we had,'' Bora adds with a wink. She laughs when she sees Siyeon’s eyebrows jump up in surprise. “I know we had a lot of issues in the past. And I’m really sorry about the things I’ve done. It was weird and different and scary for me and I didn’t treat you how I should have.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t do so great either. I think it’s good for us to just get to know each other better. Outside of TradeLearn.” They can start over now.

“Thanks for reaching out, Siyeon.”

Siyeon raises her hand apologetically. “Honestly, I should have done it sooner, especially after all those times you came to me first. I just wasn’t sure whether you wanted to talk to me or not.”

“Really?” Covering her mouth with her hands, Bora stifles a giggle. “I could say the same about you.”

“Yeah, I get it. I just hadn’t ever talked to anyone who was so _different_ before.”

“Oh?” Bora sits back, raises an eyebrow in a way Siyeon would almost dare call flirtatious.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way! You’re just so outspoken—I admire that. I learned a lot from you.” Siyeon hopes Bora doesn’t take this the wrong way, that she doesn’t think Siyeon is trying to get last minute sly digs in.

Luckily, she doesn’t. She leans forward and puts a hand on Siyeon’s. Siyeon almost recoils in surprise, but it feels nice. She puts her other hand on top of Bora’s, and the two just sit there for a moment.

Suddenly, Siyeon’s stomach growls ferociously, and Bora jumps a little before collapsing into a fit of giggles. 

“You’re pretty hungry, huh? What are you gonna get?”

Siyeon considers the menu for a moment before looking at Bora. “What’s good here?” 

“Hmm...” Bora puts on an exaggerated thinking face. “The burgers. And fries.”

“Okay, so...” Siyeon pauses for dramatic effect. “Everything?”

Another laugh from Bora. “Yup! You can’t go wrong with anything here, really.”

Siyeon nods, and the two give their orders to the waitstaff.

“So, what have you been up to these days?” Siyeon takes a sip of water, and the cold sends a jolt through her body. The warning bells she’s used to hearing when she looks at Bora have long since dulled, and now she feels almost familiar with the young woman.

Bora is fiddling with her napkin when she replies. “Well, I’ve been doing lots of stuff, I guess. Opening a dance school and working as a backup dancer for some idol groups in the meantime—”

“What!” Siyeon is surprised at the pride that swells within her. “That’s amazing!”

Bora gives a gracious nod. “Thanks, if you ever need dancers for your performances or anything...”

“I’ll hit you up first thing.” 

Bora gives a wry smile. “Siyeon, I don’t want you to feel like this friendship is something that has to be forced. I don’t want to force you to talk to me or a—”

Siyeon stops her mid sentence. “No, no, please. I want us to be friends now. More than that. Good friends. We’ve spent a lot of time together, and have gone through a lot together, and I think this is something worth working for.” Her voice catches in her throat a bit, and she feels ashamed, but the sincere look of trust and respect in Bora’s eyes allows her to continue, if only a little. “Over the course of our contract I just began to feel less and less like a real person. And I think we got off on the wrong foot, when really we should have been united the whole time. Because we’re more alike than I realized.”

Siyeon can’t decipher the look on Bora’s face now. Her expression has softened, though Siyeon can’t discern to what extent. Suddenly, Bora grins. “Siyeon, we can try again, if you want.” Her hand folds over Siyeon’s again, and it’s warm. Cozy. “I’ve failed you many times before, and I won’t do it again.”

Siyeon squeezes her hand. She doesn’t know what happened to them in the past. Under all that animosity was a genuine respect for each other. And maybe something more. A future.

Their food arrives, hot and sizzling, fries a shade of gold, burgers loaded with juicy patties and fresh toppings. It’s fun to eat with Bora, with her guard down. This way, it feels like they’ve been friends for a long time.

“By the way,” Bora drums her fingers on the table as Siyeon perks up from her milkshake. “You remember babyfaces_7803?”

Siyeon snorts. “The Twitter user that asked us a way-too-personal question that I feel like we should have been fired for answering?”

Bora leans in slyly. “Yup. That was me.” 

Siyeon chokes on cookies and cream. “What? Babyfaces? No way! Why?”

“I wanted to say sorry.” Greasy fingers being wiped on a napkin, slowly, deliberately. “I just didn’t know how to. So I figured this would kind of force me to say something.” Bora’s eyes are so sweet, so earnest. “I’m glad that helped. I think.”

They laugh about their misadventures together, and Siyeon feels nostalgic for it. Almost. After their meal, they exit the restaurant, huddling together to shut out the cold. Bora is so small but so warm, and the heat they share through their mutual touch lights Siyeon up like a flame.

“Do you want to come over?” Bora blurts out quickly. Her face is red, and Siyeon can’t tell whether it’s from the cold, or embarrassment. “I have games. And wine.”

Siyeon grins. “As long as we don’t have to do any TradeLearn modules together, I’m in.”

Their laughter echoes throughout the city. Bora places her hand in Siyeon’s, and Siyeon delicately slips their hands into her pocket, shielding them against the cold. They forgive each other that night.

Siyeon remembers her mindfulness app. She hasn’t used it in ages. It’s not like she needs it anymore. 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for making handong mean
> 
> thanks again to keb for edits Ɛ>:)
> 
> thanks for reading, hope u enjoyed, let me know ur thoughts! keep ‘em comin!


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